MTG: Cribs

Welcome back to another episode of MTG: Cribs – the only satirical show that takes you behind the scenes of actual Magic players’ homes! I’m your host Mean Gene Rayburn.


You all know how this show works – you’ve been watching us for years! We’re going to dive into three amazing homes this week and see just how these players really tick! So, let’s not waste any time – let’s take a look at our first CRIB!

Patty Robertson


And what a great place to start! Here we see a Relic of Progenitus, stuck to Patty’s coffee table! Stuck by what though? We’ll never tell!


Here we see a random box of shit! Complete with no-format-ever bomb Renowned Weaponsmith! And is that a Daring Skyjek we see hiding under all those Pre-Release D20s!? The rich sure do know how to live!


This is an interesting one: Patty seems to be quite houseproud of his Shiny collection – proudly displaying the very Venerable Lammasu that gave him his nickname “Big Fly Guy”.


And what collection is complete without a stack of GP, Game Day and PTQ Top8 Playmats? And what’s this on top? Is that the Rob Lark signature Cheesy Bread mat that SJB and Patty donated extensively to Diabetes Research to own? How weird I that would bring that up!


A real drawer of memories here – Patty’s complete Tiny Leaders and EDH deck collection! What will it be today, Patty? Omnath, Locus of Mana or the incorrigible MIMEOPLASM?


We finish off our tour of Patty’s CRIB with some worthless art from an Invasion common and a statue to commemorate the time he almost did something of note!



SJB starts the tour off with something very special – a secret Magic collection confined to a shelf between clean towels and flushable toilet paper (complete with hotel product he’s stolen!)


If we take a closer look we can see an old Sol Ring, a bag of unsold GASmtg badges, a bunch of unsorted cards and a box containing the last remains of Matt Giles.


Not limiting himself to a single shelf though, SJB seems to have worthless shit all over his house!


Ahh the CUBE! Stored safely next to his book of Viennese Cuisine – still in its original wrapping!


Are you saying you DON’T have a Lithomancer’s Focus in YOUR cutlery drawer? I guess you can still call that “living”?


SJB’s bedside table holds all sorts of treasures – none more valuable, however, than the Call of the Full Moon he prays to each night before he goes to sleep! Nice Penis Cream by the way, SJB!


Our final stop on the tour is the kitchen to find the Gore Swine SJB hides in a box of sardines. The less said about this the better.

Wilfy Horig


Wow – Wilfy’s really taking us on a trip through yesteryear with these “stacks of valueless cards just sitting around until a low gust of wind blows them over”!


Here we see some more MTG decks, shunted to a corner to make room for Wilfy’s other TCG passion: My Little Pony! Which he stores in old Netrunner boxes.


“This is where I keep my pre-sorted cards, before merging them into my wider collection”, Wilfy told us. Upon inspection, we found they were sorted by Artist alphabetically. Wilfy, you’re so crazy!


Our final destination in today’s episode is The Booster Bin! All of these boosters are $3 to anyone that wants them, unless more than one person wants them, in which case they’re $4 each. That’s Supply and Demand, baby!

That’s it! Thanks for joining us, folks! Make sure you send in photos of your own CRIBS so we can not-so-silently judge you and call you names!

See you next time!




I’ll roll you for it.